I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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