Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Damn victory sex feels great
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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