totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
