Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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