RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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