I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
