I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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