Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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