too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
