You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
