my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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