I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
