I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
