"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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