Swine flu. Run for my life!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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