so explain again why im purple
no
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize