I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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