Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
