but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
