you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
