I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I could fuck to npr.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize