you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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