I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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