You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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