So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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