As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize