Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
