Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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