Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize