Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
