are you so shy because you have an std?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
