on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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