I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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