Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
