He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
