I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
