i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
