A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
