that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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