...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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