i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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