So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
