idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
