Im at strip club and am horny
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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