Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
