I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
