so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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