Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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