why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize