Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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