i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
