How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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