I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
