Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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