I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
