youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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