If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
