i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
