I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're like the curious george of whores
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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