I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am naked and annoyed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
