I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
