one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
