I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
