Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
