$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
