So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
