today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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