You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
