Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
