But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
