i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
