what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
