i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
