You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize