Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
