actually, I'm a sock model
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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