i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
