I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
