I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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