You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize