So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
