this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it was like eating out sand paper
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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