you guys were way drunker than both of me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
